Isla Cray-Cray Too - The Sequel That's Hardly a Sequel
by CaptainClipy
Summary: In this "exciting" Jurassic World fanfiction, experience the Raptor Squad's newest adventure, with randomness like never before. Cringe as the author uses terrible grammar, and laugh to death as the author tries to do something funny (and, somehow, prevails). Experience the strangest Jurassic Park fanfiction of 2017, now in 4D! (Rated M for Mayonaise)
1. Chapter Guan

**Chapter Guan - Oh no...this again?**

Blue the velociraptor opened her eyes to find herself in front of the ruined Innovation Center. Glass littered the floor in front of her.

Everything hurt.

"What did I _eat_ last night...?" she asked herself groggily, rising to her feet in unsteady movements.

She jumped in surprise when her question was answered in an equally groggy voice. "Beats me. Was it the pizza?" Blue recognized the voice of her sister, Delta. She turned to her right and spotted the green raptor as she crawled from the debris of some burning building. She was covered head-to-toe in ashes, and appeared burned.

"Woah," Blue said, running up to support her sister. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm 'kay. Just a few second-degree burns, is all," Delta said, shrugging off Blue. "But remind me to not go to a bar and grill again. Not even Les Gigantes."

"Well, at least you're barely alive." Blue said, always looking on the bright side.

"Yeah. But bursting into flames isn't good for the kidneys, I hear."

Blue glanced at her surroundings. The sun was beginning its decent, casting the island in a pretty light. However, the destroyed and burning buildings that littered the landscape kind of ruined the majesty of the scene.

"It's odd..." Blue said thoughtfully. "Wasn't our story put on an infinite hiatus? How are we back?"

"I was wondering the same thing as my flesh was burning," Delta said. "It's possible that the author got off his lazy butt and wrote a new story."

Blue gasped. "Does this one have a plot?" she asked excitedly.

Her sister shrugged. "I doubt it. Although, it has alright grammar, at least."

Blue sighed. "Better than nothing," Silence ensued. "Hey, where's Echo and Charlie?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Well, if we're in the destroyed main street, and if I was burning alive in a bar and grill," Delta said thoughtfully. "This must take place _after_ Jurassic World. Y'know, after the Indominus Rex fight?"

"That would mean that Echo has been flung someplace over there, if I remember correctly," Blue said, motioning her head down the street. It motioned off of her shoulders and motioned down the street, only to return moments later (ultimately afraid of the fedora devouring itself at the end of the street). "Sorry if I'm wrong - I haven't seen the movie in a while."

Delta asked, "What happened to Charlie in the film, again?"

"Oh, he was..." Blue's voice trailed off as she remembered how Charlie had been blowing to bits by a rocket launcher during the raptor squad's pleasant killing spree.

Delta blinked, confused. Obviously, she had not seen the film recently, and couldn't understand Blue's sudden silence. "What? What happened to him?"

Blue could remember vaguely how Charlie had had a major crush on Delta in the previous story, and she wondered if Delta had the same feelings towards the green raptor that he did towards her. Blue frowned, unable to tell her friend that Charlie was likely scattered about the forest floor right about now.

However, Delta must have seen the look on Blue's face, for her eyes widened with shock. "No, he couldn't have-"

"But remember, Delta," Blue interrupted quickly. "You died in the film. And I ran off into the jungle," she added. "But none of those things happened here. That means that this story is different. Who knows, Mount Sibo could be a living entity for all we know!"

Delta just frowned and stared off into the middle distance. Silence ensued.

Then, in a sudden, terrifying moment, silence continued to ensue.

Then Blue suggested that they go and try to find Echo, wherever the skittish raptor may be, so they did just that. On shaky legs, the two velociraptors headed off in a random direction. They searched through every building they passed. Who knew, perhaps Echo was inside Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville?

Actually, he was.

However, the little yellow-brown raptor wasn't drowning his sorrows in a margarita, surprisingly. No, he was sitting in a dark and dusty corner, crying mournfully.

"Aaaaaaaalphaaaaaaaa..." he cried, his eyes closed.

"Echo!" Delta exclaimed, bounding up to the little raptor. "Are you hurt?"

"No," said Blue, cringing at the stench emitting from Echo. "He's just drunk."

"But I don't remember drinking anything..." croaked Echo.

"That's what they all say." mumbled Delta as she helped Echo to his feet.

Echo burped. "No, but seriously," he insisted. "I never drank a single bottle. Heck, there's not a drop of alcohol in this building!"

Blue blinked. "Why?"

"I dunno. The story's budget wasn't high enough, probably," Echo said as they abandoned the abandoned abomination that was once a Margaritaville. "That would explain the writing skills, too. Probably too low of a budget to afford a good writer..." He paused for a breath. "You know, things are very strange around here."

"No kidding," said Blue. "First, we venture through a plotless, grammatically incorrect, insanely insane storyline full of insanity, then we're put, abruptly, on hold for gosh knows how long. Then we're suddenly back, except this time it's only slightly insane. And Echo's drunk."

"Not to mention, we can talk in fluent English." added Delta.

Echo's eyes widened. "We _can_?"

Blue's mouth went agape with horror.

The three raptors would have been sent into a panic that would last for about half an hour, if not for the fact that such a panic would interfere with the story's delicate plotline. Instead, all three raptors were simply hit with a sudden wave of amnesia, causing them to forget the events that had followed Blue's statement.

"...What was I saying?" asked Delta.

Blue shrugged. "Beats me."

"Oh well. It's not important."

As the raptors strolled past the buildings, Delta noted how surprising it was that they had not been insulted by a fly so far. But nobody heard her over the sound of their existence, however.

The three raptors made their way back into the center of the main street. They found themselves standing in front of the Innovation Center. (Well, what was left of it.) Then, dark storm clouds began to roll in above their heads, covering the sky, and a thunderstorm started abruptly so that the plot could carry on swimmingly.

"Let's take cover from the rain, shall we?" suggested Delta.

The other raptors agreed, and, together, they all scurried into the Innovation Center, where they proceeded to take an incredibly enthralling nap underneath a table. It was white. But let's not categorize different colors of tables, because all lives matter.

* * *

Hours passed.

Blue awoke. It had become nighttime. Something wasn't right.

The storm was still thundering outside, glass still littered the floor, the fedora was still eating itself in the corner, and Echo and Delta were still pressed up against her as they slept underneath the table. Everything was how it should be.

 _I_ know _something's wrong here,_ she thought. _I just have no clue what it could be._

She shrugged off the feeling and closed her tired eyes again, but found it impossible to sleep. She was sleepy, yet wide awake. She opened her eyes with a sigh and scanned her surroundings again. Then, lit up by a bolt of lightning outside, Blue thought she saw an unfamiliar shadow among the ones she so clearly knew. Although it only appeared for a split-second, she could see its features clearly. It was a large, burly figure, covered with blackish-brown fur, and it sported large muscular arms which ended in humanoid hands which it used to support its body. Its face was twisted in a frown. Blue's eyes widened with mingled shock and horror when she realized that the figure was none other than the legendary gorilla, Harambe.

"It _can't_ be." whispered Blue. She had heard stories about the heroic gorilla that was killed to death.

The gorilla stepped forward, revealing itself in all of its glory. It bent down to be eye-level with Blue, then said, quietly, six simple words; "Find Nedry - check the vending machines!"

Blue awoke with a start, finding herself back inside the Innovation Center. Her heart was beating terribly hard. Light from the rising sun shone through the non-existent glass.

"You okay, sis?" asked Delta. Blue turned to see her sister sitting on a sofa, reading a copy of 'Hiding Dead Bodies'. Next to her sat Echo, reading a book titled 'how do reed'. He seemed frustrated.

"Yeah, I'm fine," replied Blue. "Just a nightmare." She turned to Echo. "What's bothering you?"

"This book is bothering me!" grumbled Echo. "It has absolutely _nothing_ to do with tall, slender-leaved plants of the grass family that grow in water or on marshy ground. I hate deceiving titles."

Delta glanced over Echo's shoulder. "Um, Echo, that book was written by a four-year-old. And it's not even a book. The kid's just asking how you _read_ , but in terrible grammar. I have no clue how it even got published." she added.

"It's deceiving, nonetheless." said Echo. He then proceeded to rip a chunk off of the book and devour it thoroughly.

Blue was slightly amused by Echo's grumbling. Only slightly, though. Like, it barely, barely made her barely chuckle. Barely less than. Anyhow, she got to her feet and headed over to the two raptors. She was still unsettled by her Harambe nightmare, but she shook it off.

"What's the plan of action, then?" she asked.

Delta shrugged. "I dunno."

"How about we go try to find Charlie?" suggested Echo in-between chews.

Blue blinked appreciatively at the raptor. "Good thinking."

"Shall we take the tunnels?" Delta asked, gesturing towards a door which leads to, you guessed it, the tunnels.

Blue nodded, and the three raptors headed to the door (which was incredibly sassy, but nobody knew it because most doors only speak a slightly posh variation of French). When they opened it, however, they were surprised to find that the entire tunnel was clogged to the brim with walrus carcasses.

"Oh." said Echo.


	2. Chapter Too

**Chapter Too - Hey, it's a British telephone.**

After hours of squeezing past dead walruses (which smelled suspiciously like rotten lumps of large flippered marine mammals with discontinuous distributions about the North Pole in the Arctic Ocean and subarctic seas of the Northern Hemisphere), the three raptors eventually made it to the other side of the non-rhetorical tunnel. They emerged to find themselves in the middle of the jungle. Almost immediately, all of the raptors noticed that they were not alone. Parrots made of pure gold were perched on the branches of the trees above them, staring down in an unsettling manner.

Echo raised an eyebrow. "Well, this is quite-"

"Follow the train, CJ." interrupted one of the parrots suddenly.

Delta blinked. Moments passed. "Did that parrot just-"

"Follow the train, CJ."

Echo snorted.

A parrot said, "Follow the train, CJ."

The three velociraptors exchanged glances. Delta stared desperately at Blue, waiting for an explanation, but there was no way to explain what was happening at the moment. They were very simply being interrupted by parrots made of pure gold whenever anyone tried to say anything. (Yes, I realize I just explained the situation, but I only did such because I wanted to.) Blue turned to one of the parrots. Maybe if they just communicated, they could get on the right foot. (Because, right now, they were standing on Ian McGreggor's foot, which was probably the wrong choice in this situation, to be honest. (Then again, that's what a dishonest person would say. (Or would he?)))

Blue cleared her throat. "Hi, I'm-"

"Follow the train, CJ." ordered a parrot.

Blue was beginning to get frustrated. She was about ready to nag violently at the bird. She turned to Echo.

"You have a go. Maybe they'll-"

"Follow the train, CJ."

Blue exploded among one of the extremely valuable birds. "You listen here, you no-good bird of the roughly three-hundred and ninety-three species in ninety-two genera that make up the order Psittaciformes, found in most tropical and..."

"Geez, she's a living Wikipedia!" whispered Echo to Delta.

Blue continued, "...with strong, curved bills, upright stances, strong legs, and clawed zygodactyl feet-"

"FOLLOW THE GOSH-DARN TRAIN, CJ."

Blue stared, flabbergasted, at the parrot. She turned to Echo and Delta, who sported similar faces. Except, they seemed to look afraid. Blue turned back to the parrot, who now held a handgun that it had pulled from some hidden holster, and pointed it at Blue's snout.

"FOLLOW. THE. TRAIN."

Blue narrowly ducked in time, and the bullet flew over her head. She swung a clawed hand at the parrot, knocking her claws painfully against the hard, pure gold. The parrot was unbalanced, however, and fell from the branch with a yelp of surprise. Blue turned to see that the other parrots had drawn their own handguns (except for one rebellious bird, who wielded a gunhand).

"Scatter!" Blue ordered, and the three raptors dashed off in random directions.

As Blue leapt over fallen tree trunks and around rocks and bushes, she could hear the parrots, right on her tail, all demanding CJ to follow the train. Blue didn't care though because she was so lit. Also using her lit powers, she easily outran the golden birds. But now, due to just running in a random direction, she had no clue as to where she was. She listened as the echoes of the valuable birds faded away, then slowed to a stop.

 _I hope Delta and Echo are alright._ she thought.

Suddenly, she heard a ringing noise from somewhere nearby, startling her. It sounded suspiciously like a phone ringing. Blue traced the sound to its source; a telephone box, sitting in the middle of the jungle. Blue cocked her head, confused, then bounded up to the bright red box. She nosed it, and it yelped irritably at her in an annoyingly British voice.

"Oi! Mate!" it said, outraged. "You can't just go around nosing people like that!"

"I'm very sorry, sir," stammered Blue, slightly flabbergasted. "Um, why are you ringing?" she asked, trying not to sound rude.

"Because someone's ringing my telly, it would seem!" the telephone box answered.

Blue blinked. "Why?"

"By Jove, love! How am I supposed to know why people are ringing me?" It quivered in angrily. "If you'd like to know so badly, why have you not gone and answered the bloody telly yet?"

Blue shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "I thought it might seem rude to do so..."

"I say, what's rude is you and your moaning!" exclaimed the telephone box.

Blue blinked.

"Well, what are you waiting for, love?" asked the telephone box. "Just answer the telly!"

Blue reached and grabbed the phone. She pressed it against her ear hesitantly. "Hello?"

The voice on the other line said, abruptly, "Find Nedry - check the vending machines!"

Blue yelped and dropped the telephone, letting it fall and hand from its cord.

"Well, that was mighty rude of you!" exclaimed the telephone irritably.

Blue opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. _This doesn't make sense,_ she thought. _The same voice...the voice from my dream. How?_

She turned to the telephone box, except it was no longer a telephone box, but instead a cabinet made purely out of rutabaga. It began to vibrate, but then it stopped vibrating.

"Whatever are you just standing there for, love? Spit it out!" it demanded.

Blue blinked. She didn't know what to say. "Does the name 'Nedry' ring a bell?"

"I see what you did there, mate." the rutabaga said.

Blue opened her mouth to speak. However, she found herself speaking a language other than English, which greatly surprised her. "Was war das?" She frowned, confused. "Warum spreche ich Deutsch?"

The rutabaga cabinet appeared greatly confused also. "Is that a Google Translate version of German?"

Blue shrugged. "Ich weiß es nicht."

"Well, did you expect any less from this story?" asked the rutabaga with a sigh.

Blue shook her head. Suddenly, gun shots were heard. She stared helplessly as the rutabaga would have clutched its bleeding chest if not for its inability to do so. Also, rutabaga cabinets have no chests. Instead, it choked out "Those bloody parrots..." and collapsed to the ground, never to move again. Blue stared at the motionless body of the very British former-telephone for a few moments, then whipped around as bullets flew past her head. Through the trees, she could faintly make out the shapes of the pure gold parrots as they zipped through the trees towards her. Blue glanced at the dead cabinet briefly, then turned and bolted into the trees. As she turned a corner, however, she collided with none other than her sister, Delta. They stared at each other for a moment in confusion, then Delta pushed past Blue and began making her way back the way Blue had come. Towards the parrots.

 _Zounds!_ is what Blue would have thought if this was a cliché sci-fi comic or something.

"Delta wait!" she called instead. "There are undoubtedly ravenous parrots over that way!"

Delta paused and glanced over her shoulder, a look of confusion covering her face. "But the parrots were chasing _me_." she protested.

Blue's blood went cold and she glanced around the forest, terrified. Suddenly, too many golden parrots to count (maybe twenty) seemed to materialize out of thin air. (They used the power of plot relevance, but the raptors don't know that.) They each held at least four-and-a-half guns each, except for one rebellious parrot who held gun-and-a-half fours. They aimed their scopes at their targets, and one demanded, "Follow the train, CJ." Delta and Blue both threw their arms into the air, surrendering.

Delta sighed. "Well, looks like we're in quite a-"

"Follow the train, CJ."

"I will, geez!" sighed Delta. "Be patient-"

One of the parrots pressed its gun against Delta's head. "Follow the train, CJ." it said slowly and carefully.

One pressed its gun against Blue's head as well. Her heart was thumping so hard that it burst from her chest, did a little dance, and retreated to her chest again. Not before giving Delta a cheeky wink, however, making the raptor blush.

Then, a golden parrot sporting a wee little military cap revealed itself, pointing its gun at the two raptors. "Follow the train, CJ." it said, motioning towards the trees behind the raptors.

Blue glanced over her shoulder at the trees, and realized that the parrots were planning on escorting them to someplace; probably their base, because that's cliché. Blue turned to the parrot again, thinking the situation over. (They really had no choice, but she thought so anyway because this story has to drag on more.) As she opened her mouth to speak her answer, however, Delta spoke first.

"Will there be pizza?" the green raptor asked.

The parrot said, "Follow the train, CJ." with a brisk nod.

Blue and Delta turned to each other at the same time, each with wide, excited eyes, and squealed all fangirl-like.

"Oh maw gawsh, gurl, we've gottu, like, totally go!" said Blue.

Delta nodded in agreement. "Well, duh, gurl. But I've gottu grab mah purse real quick, kay, guuuuurl?"

"Like, totally."

After fetching her purse, the two raptors allowed themselves to be escorted through the jungle. Eventually, they were led to a small, red building. Gaping holes were dug out in the wall with a thin, clear, almost transparent material placed inside each hole. They were windows. Heh, you were confused there for a second. The words 'Pizza Hut' were written on a big sign above the doorway.

"Oh maw gawsh it's, like, a totally real life Pizza Hut." said Delta.

"Srsly? I, like, totally thought that those were, like, totally myths, guuuuuuurl." Blue said, surprised.

"Follow the train, CJ!" ordered one of the parrots, pressing a gun against Blue's back.

Blue squealed. "Fine! I mean...kay, guuuuuurl!"

The parrots led Blue and Delta inside of the Pizza Hut, and a waitress seated them at a table by one of the windows. Delta stared out the window anxiously. Obviously, she didn't like being kidnapped by parrots of pure gold and taken to a Pizza Hut. To be honest, Blue didn't mind it all that much. She picked up a menu from off of the table and glanced briefly at it.

The waitress came up to their table. "Hello, welcome to a super fancy version of Pizza Hut. What would you like to messily devour today? Or tomorrow. It doesn't matter, to be completely honest."

"I haven't decided yet, you rat." said Delta with a scowl.

The waitress nodded calmly, and turned to Blue. "How about you?"

Blue nodded, took a deep breath, and said, extremely quickly, "I want three plain cheese pizzas, seven anchovy and garlic pizzas, two pepperonis, two and a half vegetarians, fifteen barbecue chicken pizzas... - um, does your 'peanut butter and orphan surprise' contain _real_ orphans?"

The waitress shook her head. "No," she said. "Not anymore."

"Okay. I'd like eight of those, um, I'd also like ten sunny-side-up pizzas, fifteen dehydrated frog pizzas - with extra pickled limbs, please. I'll also have forty-five _California Sewage Something_ s, a pair of banana pizzas, thirteen seafood pizzas, and the entire state of Texas."

The waitress nodded. "Would you like that order to be doubled?"

Blue hesitated. "Can you triple it?"

"Sure." The waitress then turned to Delta. "Have you decided yet?"

Delta slammed her fists onto the table and stared at the waitress with eyes that burned with hunger. " _Thirty oranges_." she demanded.

"Ok." The waitress let her limbs fall from her body and slithered away.

As Delta resumed her intensive staring out of the window, Blue scanned the restaurant. The golden parrots were all crowded at one table. Apparently, none of them thought that Blue and Delta could have just stood up and waltzed out of the restaurant. But, as she thought this, her attention was caught by one of the tables just behind Delta. Sitting in a chair, staring directly at Blue, was a massive, burly gorilla. It couldn't have been...yes, it was the legendary Harambe. Back from the dead? As she watched, dumbstruck, the gorilla lifted up a napkin. Something was written on it. Blue narrowed her eyes to see better. She felt faint when she realized that the writing on the napkin spelled the words 'Find Nedry - check the vending machines!'.

"Blue?" said Delta. Blue turned swiftly to her sister. "You okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine..." Blue mumbled. She turned back to Harambe, but the hairy creature was no longer there. Blue blinked, surprised. Then she became a turtle for point-four seconds. Nobody noticed over the sound of their existence, however. She frowned. "Now I know how it feels to be existed-at."


	3. Chapter Fwee

**Chapter Fwee - Out there, somewhere, is motorcycle.**

Echo panted heavily as he ran through the forest, wishing he wasn't randomly drunk. He glanced over his shoulder to see that at least five golden parrots were flapping breezily through the trees towards him. Knowing that he would have no chance of survival if he continued this for much longer, Echo turned sharply, then leapt behind a rocky outcrop, where he stopped, panting. He watched cautiously as the parrots flapped past him, until he couldn't see them anymore because he went blind for seventeen seconds.

"Well, good thing that's over." he said to himself.

Then a motorcycle exploded.

Somewhere in Ontario.

But that didn't matter. (Why did you think it mattered?) Right now, Echo was climbing his way up the rocky outcrop for a better look at his surroundings. Suddenly, he continued to climb his way up the rocky outcrop for a better look at his surroundings. Once at the top, which protruded out of the treetops slightly, Echo was able to see, ahead of him, what looked like a jet plane. Of course, Echo was drunk, so many things could look like jet planes. In reality, it was actually a massive glass dome.

 _The pterosaur aviary?_ thought Echo. _Maybe one of the pteranodons there could explain a thing or two about what's going on._

He climbed back down from the rocky outcrop, onto the grass again, and began making his way towards the aviary. Along the way, he encountered a pop star, but nobody cares. Suddenly, as he was nearing the big glass dome, he tripped. Then he stood up and continued on his way. He passed a tree with green leaves. Its trunk was made of an extremely suspicious-looking material that resembled wood, when in reality it was actually the secondary xylem of trees and shrubs. Although, Echo could've sworn it was a porous and fibrous structural tissue found in the stems and roots of trees and other woody plants, but he had been mistaken before.

Then he stepped from the brush and found himself standing in front of the massive aviary. It was a beautiful circular dome with smooth, clear glass. Echo smirked and tipped his hat, saying "Gooday, madam." with a curt bow.

"What a gentleman!" exclaimed the aviary, and Echo couldn't help but notice that its cheeks had gone red.

Echo was growing tired. This conversation had gone on for far too long. He tossed his hat from his head, and his face grew serious. "Alright, buster. I'm not here for sweet-talk. Explain yourself. What's going on here?"

The aviary reared back in surprise, then rightened its scarf. "I haven't a clue what you're talking about!" it said.

Echo sighed and rolled his eyes. "Look - I'm as drunk as Barry B. Benson right about now, and it's only a matter of time before the insanity of this plot spreads out across the entire story. So, unless you want your glass shattered, I suggest you speak now."

"You wouldn't dare!" gasped the aviary.

Echo just snarled.

" _Alright_ , alright!" said the aviary, caving in. It sighed. "Here's the whole story, from the beginning. I-"

"Meh, stories are boring." said Echo. He turned and strutted off.

The aviary was silent for a few moments, then turned and ordered, "Seize him!"

Echo swung around to see twelve and a half pteranodons soar out from the aviary and, before he knew what was happening, they had gotten firm grips around his shoulders and lifted him up into the air. He screamed as the pterosaurs carried him away into the clouds, and he blacked out.

* * *

By the time Echo had awoken, he was awake already, and appeared to have been taken to a nest that was balanced atop a massive stone column sticking straight up. It must have been inspired by Bee Movie, because the nest was poorly made. It was full of eggs, but upon further investigation he realized that they were purely plastic. Then, on his right, Echo saw a hammer. But then it was drawer. Echo blinked, and it flew away in fear. Then, as he watched it flutter away, he heard a gruff voice at his left.

It said, "Silhouette is a hard word to spell."

"Not if you spell it enough!" countered Echo, and the gruff voice cowered in fear. Then Echo's entire mood shifted. It might have had something to do with being infinitely drunk. "Who are you, anyway?" he asked in Morgan Freeman's voice.

Then the gruff voice revealed himself. Echo gasped as the pteranodon swooped into view, a beige hat atop its head, shades covering its eyes. It landed in front of Echo.

"Dodgson!" Echo gasped.

The pteranodon glanced around warily. "You shouldn't use my name."

"Dodgson, Dodgson!" Echo yelled. "We've got Dodgson here!"

Dodgson the pteranodon visibly cringed. Except that's impossible, so he didn't. (I'm just trying to be realistic here.)

"See?" said Echo. "Nobody cares. Nice hat." he added, grabbing the hat from atop Dodgson's head and putting it on his own.

Suddenly, an extraordinarily long tongue burst from the pteranodon's mouth, which wrapped around Echo's neck, lifting him into the air. He struggled to breath. Another tongue burst from his mouth and slithered through the air, nabbing the hat from Echo's head. The tongue then proceeded to return to its owner and set the hat atop his head.

Lewis Dodgson then proceeded to say, "Be careful not to choke on your aspirations, raptor."

"AckckskaekkshjfahfksgjdrhnlgkAJFIKDG..." choked Echo.

"You listen here," Lewis continued. "Nobody, and I mean _nobody_ , touches the hat." He released Echo, allowing him to fall.

Echo panted for breath, but he managed to say, "You're the only character in this story I wish _wasn't_ reoccurring. And you're probably just a cameo, too."

"Well, too bad," replied Lewis, putting his wings on his hips. "If you wanna complain to anyone, complain to the author."

Echo laughed. "I'd love to! Because I must say, this chapter is _dreadful_! It's extremely messy, it contains so many unexplained scenarios, and don't forget the fact that nobody reads the darn thing anyway!"

Lewis blinked and tilted his head. "How does that have anything to do with the chapter?"

"It doesn't," Echo said. "I'm just complaining, is all."

Dodgson rolled his eyes. "When are you _not_ complaining?" he mumbled.

"I heard that!" Echo said.

"No you didn't."

"Oh."

Suddenly, a torpedo made of pure insanity came zooming out of the fog.

"Oh crud...it's a torpedo make purely out of insanity, as the previous sentence stated!" exclaimed Echo. He turned to Lewis. "This is your doing, isn't it?"

"I prefer to call it...ze randomness delicioso," said Lewis in an offensive French accent. He made the 'a-okay' sign with his hand. "Ah, telle une délicatesse exquise."

"Welp, I don't really want to become a maniac, so..." said Echo. He saluted to Lewis and said, "So long! Or should I say 'si longtemps'!" before leaping off the edge of the peak that stuck straight into the air and down into the fog.

Dodgson ran to the edge and stared down. "Ami! Ami, wait! AMI!" Then he turned and spotted the torpedo. Except, now it was a layered cake that was likely lemon flavoured. It was also covered in grenades. Lewis gasped, "Mamma mia!"

And then he blew up.


	4. Chapter Foh

**Chapter Foh - Darth Untitled isn't used to cutting doors.**

It was around this time that the story ceased to progress.

Allow me to explain; after the fourth chapter and sometime before the fifth, the author had no clue what to write next. So, because of this, he then decided to dedicate this section of the chapter to explaining why the story ceased to progress. Of course, the story continued anyway because that's how it works. But the author still had no clue what to write, so he made a star destroyer from Star Wars come out of hyperspace right above Isla Nublar.

* * *

Delta, as she sat in her seat staring out of Pizza Hut's window, cocked her head in surprise as a shadow suddenly appeared, shrouding the jungle outside in darkness. It was far too quick and large to be a cloud, so this confused her. For some reason. I mean, this stuff happened all of the time. How was it any different now?

"Blue, why's there a big shadow out there?" she asked, pointing out of the window.

Blue paused in devouring her pizza slice and blinked. " _My_ question for _you_ is why does the size of the shadow matter? Are you being prejudice towards shadows?"

"What? No!" Delta said. "I'm just genuinely curious about why-"

Blue interrupted, "You're categorizing shadows. You shouldn't do that, Delta! It's extremely offensive to shadows!"

"I know, right? It's so rude!" said a new voice. Delta turned and saw a shadow sitting at the table opposite from the two raptors. It shook its head. "I mean, people can't just-"

"HOLY CRUD, THAT IS ONE UGLY-BUTT SHADOW!" shrieked the waitress as she slithered about the restaurant.

Blue promptly devoured her.

Suddenly, the windows smashed in a massively small explosion, and the raptors were flung across the room. Delta's head spun as the shadow stood from its seat and ran to help. Before it could reach them, however, the ceiling shuddered above its head and came crashing down atop of it. Through the hole in the ceiling, Delta could see the massive figure of a star destroyer from Star Wars. She stood to her feet. Undoubtedly, this was the owner of the massive shadow that had previously shrouded the jungle in darkness.

Blue stood up beside her. "Huh, it's like a fandom crossover or something. Cool."

Delta's eyes widened as she spotted a squadron of TIE Fighters come hailing towards them, laserguns firing. She grabbed Blue's claw and the two sisters bolted for the entryway doors. All of the parrots have fled already. They had obviously forgotten about their 'prisoners'. But as the raptors headed towards the doors, a TIE fighter crashed right atop the glass doorway simply for plot purposes. Delta gasped. They were trapped. Just when things were starting to look grim, an ostrich leapt from behind the counter, its entire body a painfully blue colour, like a computer's 'blue screen of death'. It motioned for Blue and Delta to follow it into the backroom. Knowing there was no other way out, the two sisters did just that. Inside the kitchen, they saw something. Except it wasn't there, but instead replaced by a physical form of an invisible object that was actually non-existent. There was also a buncha kitchen supplies like ovens n' stuff. I mentioned that just in case you assumed the interior was that of a chemical factory.

Delta's phone suddenly did that little 'bling!' thing, like when you get a notification, u kno? Delta blinked and pulled her phone from her pocket. It read, 'New message from ur boy'. Delta was puzzled. She tapped the message to read it, and even though the restaurant was blowing up around her she felt no fear because she felt no fear.

"hallo homi its ur boy ostrish btw i thot u shold kno im a turdle" said the text message. Delta glanced up, confused, and saw the ostrich. Only it was a frog riding a unicycle now.

Blue said, "Ugh..."

"What, did you expect any less?" asked Delta.

"I didn't," replied Blue. "I'm just annoyed because it's obvious that the author is struggling to write random things."

Delta shrugged. "Well, he hasn't written randomness in a while." she protested.

Blue said, "Okay, shutup, this is turning into a pointless buncha sentences that the author is writing just to buy himself time, and it's making him look desperate."

Delta's phone did that notification thing again, and she glanced at the screen.

'hay homiey just so u kno ders a big spaseship out side so mabe we shold b quik ?'

Delta glanced at the frog (that was an ostrich again because shut up), who was pointing desperately towards the exit door. Delta nodded, and they all ran towards the big metal door with the words 'EXIT LOL' above it. Before they could reach it, however, a lightgoldenrodyellow-coloured lightsaber blade cut straight through it. The wielder of the saber then began to cut through the door.

"o noes" said the ostrich's text message.

"Careful," said Blue, taking a step back. "Whoever's on the other side of that door might trip on one of us upon entering, and the last thing we want is for someone to get hurt."

The cutting paused. "Safety first, kids." said a muffled voice on the other side of the door. Then the cutting resumed.

Minutes passed, and the mysterious person was still cutting through the door, and everyone was fairly bored as they sat around, waiting, the building still shuddering around them. Delta groaned. "How much longer will it take, presumably?" she asked the unimaginably dangerous and scary sith at the other side of the door.

"Sorry, this is my first day on the job," apologized the extremely frightening sith lord that you don't want to confront, believe me. (He's too scary and stuff.) "I've only ever cut doors in Sith Training, and those were-" He grunted. "-purely plastic."

Delta blinked. "Why are you here, then?"

"The Empire was short on sith, and I was the only one available," explained the sith. "And I just woke up, too, so you know I'm really 'in the zone'."

"Huh," said Delta. "Well, did you try-"

"Quiet, Delta," snapped Blue impatiently. "The more you talk, the slower he cuts."

"Sorry."

Finally, the lightgoldenrodyellow lightsaber finally finished cutting the door, and a circular hole was now cut through the metal.

"About stinkin' time!" exclaimed the sith. He stepped through the hole in the door, and the raptors could finally get a good look at the terrifying fellow. He looked exactly like Darth Vader, which surprised Delta. "Howdy, fellas," he said. "I am Darth Untitled, the most meanest ever. Glad to be at your service."

Delta tipped her hat, which she had acquired since shut up. "It's a pleasure." she said, blushing.

Suddenly, the sith paused mid-stride and pulled his phone from his pocket. "Who's 'ur boy'?" he asked, glancing at the screen.

Delta and Blue both pointed to the ostrich at the same time. The young lad squawked innocently in a tone that suggested he wished for immediate genocide. Blue reached over and grabbed Darth Untitled's phone, reading the text message out loud.

"hawdy so ya um whye are u look liek dart vador" she read.

"Oh, that. Yeah, blame the author for not caring a rat's butt about what I look like," replied Darth Untitled. "He couldn't be bothered to give me an appearance, and this was the default sith, so that's what was chosen."

"Sad."

"Yeah."

Silence ensued. An incredibly awkward silence, in which the only sound was the muffled rumbling of explosions outside, and the constant squeaking of the ostrich (who was now a frog again) as it rode its unicycle around the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, that's what I'm here to do," said Untitled suddenly. "Erm, I'm supposed to kidnap you. So, uh, you're under arrest." He lifted his lightsaber in an incredibly laterigrade way. "So, come on...if you want you."

"Ho, hum," said Blue with a shrug. "Let's go...I guess."

"Yeah," grunted Delta flatly. "I mean, not to make this seem monotonous or anything, but this is as dull as dishwater."

Darth Untitled cried blandly.

The ostrich reached forward and grabbed the door knob of the exit, turning it. It became, suddenly and terrifyingly, ajar. And then, as they left through the door into the wilderness, Darth Untitled trying desperately to not be uninteresting, the door became an intensely mundane tomato patch.

"Doesn't it feel like the author is struggling to write random things in this chapter?" Delta whispered to Blue as Darth Untitled led them through the trees towards his lima bean-shaped space ship.

"Shhhhh," Blue snapped. "You'll make him seem violently irrelevant."

Delta blinked. Thankfully, she blinked several more times afterward. But then she blinked once more, which brought the soil underfoot great sorrow.

"Welp, if you could just waltz right into the ship, that would be great." said Darth Untitled, hopping into the driver's seat.

"I call shotgun!" shouted Delta, darting towards the lima bean-shaped ship. She threw open the door and sat inside, next to Darth Untitled. Inside, the ship looked just like the interior of your standard car, only it was constantly laughing. In excitement, she accidentally touched Untitled's hand with her own. They both blushed in unison. "Sorry." mumbled Delta.

Blue hopped into the car also. And then the chapter ended abruptly, where it would transition into the next chapter shortly after.


End file.
